January 10, 2009


A woman--a wife--can only go so long...should only have to go so long, and then it becomes unbearable. Unsatisfactory. Unfair. And she becomes unhappy. 

I don't know how much longer I can do this. 

I am so frustrated I could scream...and I probably will.


January 8, 2009

The Gift of Fear

Currently the book I am reading, by Gavin De Becker, because for roughly the past 9 years I have been dealing with a stalker of sorts. Probably my stalker's been at it for considerably longer than that--but I've only been dealing with it (on and off) for the last 9.


And, I must admit, in the past 6 months or so it has been brought to my attention how very scary it really is.

So scary, in fact, that there are actually people I can't let this person know I know for fear of psychotic retaliation of some sort. It is as bizarre as it sounds.

And now this stalker is shadowing me online--and it is getting downright maddening. Everywhere I turn, this person has followed me somewhere or made friends with someone I know or joined some group I have joined. 

Likely this stalker will eventually find me here, as well--it always happens. But, as luck would have it--as in most plays written about living people, stalker will not recognize that stalker has been written about and will, instead, jump on the wagon of concern. It's happened before...and actually that part of it is kind of amusing...in a sick, perverted, "taunt the crazy person" kind of way.

I will write about this in more depth another time. Right now I am discovering that it is more difficult to write about a stalker than I had imagined.

I have a really good "protector," though, who helps me keep tabs on stalker--almost like stalking in reverse! Trouble is, I don't think I have enough information about stalker to take it all as seriously as I probably should. I've been led to believe that it is already at a disturbing level, but I don't know all the details. 

I just know I'm sick of being shadowed and all I can do is pray that this stalker hasn't used knowing me as a way to insinuate that stalker is actually credible to what seem to be "mutual friends." That. Would. Suck. I do not want to be in the same sentence with this person.


Also I do not want to become a statistic.

Scariest thing of all? Stalker knows the +4 of my zip code. I didn't even know it...


January 6, 2009

Nothing Much

Having a rather quiet day resting my voice so that I am in good voice for the show tonight. LittleMe is home sick, so I'm glad that tonight is the last performance...I don't think I could sing with the kind of chest cold she's got.

Thursday night I begin a 3 week workshop with Pilobolus (dance company). Of course, the workshop begins tonight, but I have a show... So far 4 of us from my company are going and it should prove to be utterly amazing! I have admired Pilobolus since I was 11 years old when I watched them do a dance in the nude--it was scandalous to me at the time, but now I have such a different appreciation for what they do. I can't wait to learn some of their choreography techniques so that we can incorporate what we learn into our own training. 

I am really missing JS, right about now. Many of us have connected on facebook, but it just isn't the same. And, neither is blogspot. (I love how none of these places internal spellcheckers ever recognize their own names).

Last night's show was amazing--the audience was full of people I adore, and I felt like a million bucks when I took the stage to hoots and applause! I've never really experienced anything like that before, but I could get used to it! And, we had maybe expected about 100-150 people, and had over 250 in the audience!! Rock. On.

Hope tonight's show goes as well--I'm looking forward to singing the songs I love...